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||-- The Coffee Table --||
(The Den's eZine Story Collection)
||-Bedside Reads-||
||-Writings Of RemittanceGirl-||

||-- The Bar --||
||-Politics and Gov't Night-||
||-Poetry Night-||
||-Sexy Tomatoes-||
||-- Beer Nuts --||

||-- Couch Stainers --||
||-Big Dick-||
||-Chick (& Dick [MIA])-||
||-derek s.-||
||-Mike (#1)-||
||-Mr. Smithereen-||

||-- Couch Potatos --||
||-El Sid-||
||-Zeus, Big Dick's Cat-||

||-- The Dark Corner --||
( 18+ )
||-Three Boobs-||

||-- On Beer Run --||
||-Big Fan-||
||-Mike (#2)-||
||-Rattl'n along-||
||-The Furnace-||

||-- JukeBox Review --||

||-Blaine Larsen-||
-How Do You Get That Lonely-

-Lolipop Porn Bitch-

||-Dresden Dolls-||
-Girl Anachronism-
-Miss Me-
-The Perfect Fit-

||-Jeff Bates-||
-My Inlaws Are Outlaws-

||-Kelly Clarkson-||


||-Marilyn Manson-||
-Sweet Dreams-

-Next Contestant-

||-Nine Inch Nails-||

||-Peter Gabriel-||
-Signal To Noise-

||-Toby Keith-||
-Taliban Song-
-Weed With Willie-

||-Tony C & The Truth-||

||-Trace Adkins-||
-(Love Me Like There's) No Tomorrow-
-Honky Tonk Badonkadonk-

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Dear "Paco",

If you would be kind enough to pay for the plane ticket to her hometown, I will go kick her ass. Until then, FUCK OFF!

For the rest of you, if you would like directions to my "new" blog, email me.

x Beer-and-Nachos

Saturday, November 26, 2005

I met one of my new neighbors' kids today. And his friend. Kids!

I met them because their dog got out. They didn't even know their dog got loose. HUGE Golden Retriever. Not command-friendly either. Needs obedience school.

Here's how I met them: The dog wasn't just walking around in my yard. No, it was bounding around across the street from my house. I was in my car coming home. Nothing wrong there, right? Not until I got close to my house. The dog, thrill taker as he is, JUMPED in front of my car! I was on the phone with Bitch at the time and I screamed at the unexpected dog suddenly looking me in the face.

I did not hit the dog. My brakes are scarily good. I could stop on a dime. Not anti-lock though.

I looked up after I stopped...the dog wasn't in front of me...he was outside my driver door, staring me in the face...and I SWEAR he was laughing at me!!!!!

I pulled over in front of my house, only about six feet away, and got out. The dog had bounded to the next house, on his way to the busy street. I tried calling him, whistling, and everything. He was, I swear, taunting me, daring me to chase him. I watched him bound around the corner. I heard brakes. I heard horns. I was wondering if I should hunt down the crazy thing.

Then he started trotting back to me. Slowly. Investigating every house, every door, every car, every tree, even stopping to mark a mailbox. I finally caught his attention again and called him over. Slowly he came, catching his attention on something or other, causing me to whistle again...and again....and again...and again...and get the picture.

I snagged his collar; friendly beast really, but he knew that having his collar grabbed was bad, and tried to struggle away from me--I am only a strange woman!

Let me just say this: I'm a little girl. I'm strong for a little girl. But I'm barely a match for a HUGE FULL GROWN Pure Bred Golden Retriever. I don't know how, but I got him to lay down while I patted his tummy with the same hand I was dialing on my cell the number on his collar that was in the other hand. That takes skill.

I called. I left a message saying who I was, my phone number, that I almost ran over their dog, and that I would call back again in a few moments. I called again. A woman answered. I said my name and asked if they had a dog, a Golden Retriever. Her words: "oh no, did he get out again!?!??!"

Again? Lady, if your dog is getting out and you don't even KNOW he's loose, you need to add extra security to that fence! AGAIN? You need to do SOMETHING other than hope he doesn't get loose!

About two minutes after I hung up, three kids come galavanting down the road "Look! There's Buddy!!! BUDDY!!! Come 'ere boy!!!" That dog DRAGGED me halfway down the street as I TRIED to walk him back to his house; he feigned listening before, I didn't want him loose again! They had a hold of him about two seconds and the mom drove up and opened the backseat door and yelled a thank you before driving off.

That's my tale of how I met the new neighbors. I nearly had a heartattack. And my cat now hates me because I smell like dog. At least I did. He still hasn't forgiven me...even after I've given him his treat. He disowns his own mom. Oh the price of being an animal lover!

Posted at 07:22 pm by beer-n-nachos

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